Health Conscious Rioters Credit Fitbit Technology with Broadening the Range of their Fiery Destruction in Ferguson, Missouri.


November 26, 2014

By Brian David

Although it was not designed with the destruction of civilian infrastructure in mind, the Fitbit Flex serves to remind rioters, looters, and arsonists to move on to the next breakable and/or flammable structure after a certain period of time.

One Ferguson protestor, who spoke on the condition of anonymity due to the likelihood of multiple felony charges resulting from being identified said, “it’s a beautiful thing, to set something on fire, I really like to watch things burn. . . and then this awesome technology gives a jolt to remind me that there are other things to burn further on down the road.”

Attempts to reach Fitbit were unsuccessful, though one has to imagine the pride felt by a company who is contributing so much to the justice and righting-of-wrongs taking place in Ferguson, Mo.